Dave Lukas

I’ve been chewing on the concept of feeling like my writing is cyclical. That I just write in a circle with no resolution or main point or conclusion. Some of it is intentional to not put too much pressure on myself to make long posts that tie things together super well. But even if my short writings I feel like I just write in circles.

In James Clear’s newsletter today he talked about the need to write to figure out what you want to say. That by continuing to show up and write I’ll discover what I want to say. But sitting on the sidelines and not writing waiting for the right thing to write or to know what to write will hinder my growth.

I read that and thought about the writing I’ve done here. I don’t feel like I know what I want to write about or what these themes are and what I want to say or the point I’m trying to make. But I do believe that I have to keep writing and little by little I’ll discover what it is to write about.

I talked recently about the path and wanting to walk the right one, but this isn’t the same thing. This is about showing up to write about whatever I feel like even if it doesn’t all connect or have a theme or make sense. Cause putting words down are like steps on the path. I’ll never see what’s ahead if I don’t write. I’ll stay right where I am. And that’s not where I want to be.

And while I don’t know where it is that I do want to be, I know it’s not here. So the way to move along this path is to keep writing cause I do trust that process to lead me to where I’m supposed to be and to what it is I’m here to write about.

I know conceptually that dots will connect and only with time can I look back and see how they connect and got me to where I am. But it’s so hard in the day to day to know if I’m actually making progress. I know life doesn’t give you overt signals like in a video game that I’m on the right path or the path I’m walking is leading me to where I’m going.

I struggle cause I want to know I’m on the right path. That what I’m doing matters and working towards my goals. Even though I know there’s no “right path”, I can’t totally ignore that voice. I know there’s some wrong paths, but realistically there are many ways to get to where I want to go.

Where is that?! No freaking clue!

Plus the other battle in my head is the Taoist approach of action without action or wu wei on one hand and the idea of taking the initiative and making choices to move forward. Both approaches can work and I’ve adopted both at times. Cause what it all distills down to for me is fear. Fear that I’m standing still. Fear that I’m not moving forward. Fear that I’m not growing or evolving. Fear that I’m stagnant.

So fear is behind these questions and back and forths in my brain. Knowing that doesn’t make the decisions or lack of decisions easier. It’s like I know it conceptually, but I still feel like I’m standing at the start of a bridge and wondering if I should cross it or not.

The truth is I’ll never know. None of us do. And I guess we can all turn around down the trail if this one isn’t working out and I do know enough that even if I walk back on the same path, I won’t be the same and that path won’t look the same either. I’m changed by the actions and steps I take. Even if down the trail I decide “this isn’t for me”, that is knowledge and experience gained which in turn will always stay with me. It’s not like I give that knowledge and experience back if I turn around.

So what does that all mean? It means that there is no right path and as long as I’m making the best decision in the moment with the information I have…that’s all I can ask for. That my decision aligns with what I feel in my heart and soul, then that’s the way to go. Cross the bridge or not. And who knows maybe if I don’t walk across that bridge, it will show up again later. None of us know the way so attempts to lasso it to the ground are wasted energy.

I’ll try to remember this when faced with this back and forth. I’ll forget. I’ll remember. This is the path. I’ll try to embrace it.

I’m grateful I’ve learned to lean in when I’m pulled into someone’s art. To not question why or try to interpret it. To make it rational. Instead I’ve learned to trust the lean in and just go with it. See where it leads. Maybe they become someone to be added to my creative family tree. Maybe they’ll hold my interest for 15 minutes. It doesn’t matter. The key thing is putting aside the rational piece and listening to my intuition that is being pulled in.

Cause when we break it down, none of us like being pushed TO something. We’d rather be pulled INTO something. It’s a key distinction. Being pulled keeps the onus of control with us vs being led around by marketing speak or funnel scenarios. It reflects what’s truly inside us if we let ourselves listen to it. Too often I’ve been led to believe that my inner voice isn’t something worth listening to or to be trusted. It’s taken me a lot of my adult life to break up with that shutting down voice so that my true wants and needs can come through.

I don’t have it solved yet and it’s probably life work for me, but I’ve come far enough in my journey to see that I’m not where I used to be and allow myself to be pulled into things freely without questioning it. It’s pretty magical when it happens and the encounters always lead to more output or an evolution in my work and practice.

So this is me writing to remind myself to be grateful to be pulled into things and to trust the process and don’t try to understand the mystery. It’s ok to stay in the wondering phase vs knowing.