Dave Lukas

I’ve been pretty consistent posting here every day. Yes I’ve missed some days, but I’m feeling like it’s time to evolve this garden a little bit.

Does a garden evolve? Or is that the capitalist marketing blogging have a point mindset coming through?

I mean yeah a garden evolves. I might start with beans and lettuce, but then I want I eat spinach or corn, so the garden evolves to make room for those plants.

So I guess what I’m saying is I’m feeling the urge to evolve this space. But to what? I really don’t know. I don’t have a vision for what this garden and digital home will be. Perhaps spending some time with that will help.

I know I don’t want it to be a funnel to get people to sign up for a mailing list or to get my free cookbook or whatever else people sell or give away on their websites. I know I don’t want it to feel market-y and commerce-y. I don’t want it to feel forced. I know I don’t want it to look like everyone else’s website.

Even starting with what I know it’s NOT can be powerful and helpful. Cause it invites in the space for what it can be. Even if I can’t articulate that to you or myself right now. But knowing what it’s not can be directional. Along with the pull for it to evolve. I can lean in and listen to that voice. Take a step and see where it leads. It’s not going to be one thing and then it’s done or complete. Cause I don’t feel like that state exists. But progress can’t be made without making steps forward.

I say all that and I’m frozen. Stuck in place. Not sure what’s the next step or what to do or which direction to head. So perhaps I’ll step to the side of the trail, sit down and enjoy the surroundings while I keep my eyes and ears open and trust the steps will appear when they’re ready. At least that’s my hopeful vision in this moment.

The simple sight of seeing more green and leaves on trees has made me smile the last couple days. Seems like my eyes are seeing more green and that is a comforting thought.

Can certainly draw the connection to my own growth and my hope that’s what’s going on for me. Been feeling more like winter than spring. Yet life does move in seasons and I can’t force them to start or end. They each will pass through on their own timeline.

None of us control when spring comes or when the leaves show up. And none of us can control the seasons in our out lives. Yes I can create conditions for growth to occur, just like I can with nature. But ultimately there’s a lot out of my control. So it’s best to trust the process and do what I can when I can.

And remember to look out the window and smile at what I see.

If I’m feeling stuck in a rut or bored, then I’m the only one who can fix it. When it comes to my creativity, thankfully I have a lot of methods and options at my fingertips. So it’s not for a lack of options.

Though sometimes all those options can lead to indecisiveness. Goes back to that concept I struggle with about choosing “the best”. Despite knowing there’s no such thing, I put pressure on the decision.

Yet where the emphasis should fall is just making a decision to create. And ask myself what I want to do or what I haven’t done in a long time and then go with that. The important thing is to choose to create, not necessarily what type of creating that is.

I reminded as well about the concepts talked about in the book “Atomic Habits” by James Clear about making choices that align with who I am, what my identity is. So if part of my identity is as an artist and/or a creative person, when faced with this stuck feeling, the question I ought to pose to myself is “what would an artist/creative person do here?” And then choose and act accordingly.

Sounds simple but it’s a good reminder for those moments when I’m stuck. And making the choice through the lens of my identity keeps it out of the dangerous territory of “shoulds” or “have tos”. Instead it’s about making a choice to align with who I am and aspire to be.

Thankfully the fatigue that was kicking my butt has passed and with it came renewed energy and a desire to get back to my practices.

It was a reminder that rest is good. To listen to my body and what my intuition is telling me. That’s hard to do sometimes cause I feel like I need to force myself to create in order to keep the practice going. That whole waiting for inspiration to strike theory doesn’t lead to getting to work done. Putting my butt in the chair is how the practice grows and evolves.

But mindful rest can be good and restorative. That’s what I’m telling myself in this moment. Reminding myself. Also reminding myself that I know the difference between when I truly need rest and when I just don’t want to and I need to do it anyway.

I learned the mindful rest just now and writing this out is helping that lesson sink in. Each time I write, I can’t help but see the thread of the Tao and going with the flow. It’s annoying and reaffirming at the same time.

Back at it now. Until the next time my body tells me it’s time to rest.

The metaphor of this place being a digital garden fits along with all the other gardening metaphors which apply to creativity. Kening Zhu talks about this a lot and it’s part of the reason her work has resonated.

Some times you need to let the garden rest and let the seeds grow. But the balance must be struck to make sure those seeds are being planted.

Feel like each post I write hovers around polarity. The balance between whatever ends of the spectrum. Yin and yang. Taoism. There will never be an answer cause I can’t have one without the other. You can’t have beauty without ugliness. And so on.

It’s an interesting concept that makes my brain short circuit a bit. Like when you think about how we are but a small speck in the universe and how much is out there.

The reminder is to live in the mystery. It doesn’t need to be solved. Both exist so let them exist and see where I’m led.

Feeling fatigued today, which has forced me to wrestle with the polarity of resting or doing things to maintain momentum. There’s probably no right answer, hell there probably isn’t a wrong answer. Well maybe pushing through and going to run a marathon would be wrong, but you get what I’m saying.

Especially now when I’m trying to build habits to sustain creativity, it’s a tough crossroads to come to. To know what to do or not do. But life is all about constraints and how I work with them. Yet my brain tries to make the right or best decision (Libras for the win). Letting go of this desire to make the best decision is a struggle for me. Part of it is fear of making the wrong decision will lead me down a path I might not want to go down, which will then lead to more work to get back on the right path. But the other voice in my head reminds me that going down the wrong path can actually be a great learning experience.

See, this is also what I’m good at: talking myself around in circles. Which then leads to frustration, which then makes me want to just stop all together cause I feel like it’s not productive. I’m working on leaning into that idea and concept, but I’m going against LOTS of years of programming. It’s ok for things not to be productive or have a point. At least that’s what I tell myself.

So going back to the idea that started this whole thing….rest or action. What to do, what to do. I’ve landed on action-light. Honor what my body is telling me that it’s tired, but still honor the part of me that feels called to create and plant seeds here in this digital garden. Cause I believe that’s work which feeds and nourishes my soul, which will help me heal and rest. It’s restorative action, which is what we need when we’re not feeling our best.